We’ve had some questions lately (and in the past, especially when James was suffering through balanitis) from friends and family about some of the choices we’ve made for our kids, concerning the more controversial baby topics. So to answer those questions, I thought I’d write a nice long post to lay it all out there, for anyone who is interested, as well as for James and Cora to read someday if they ever wonder why we made the decisions that we did. If this post raises more questions, please feel free to ask for clarifications, though we don’t intend for this to start any debates. Jay and I are finding that some of the choices we have made are outside the “norm”, especially here in the deep south. We fully respect the decisions that other parents we know have made (or will make), and we hope that you will respect ours. Also, we are not looking to convert anyone (well, maybe to cloth diapering!), so please don’t feel like this is directed toward anyone. It’s just us. For all topics, our reasons for the choices we’ve made are listed in their order of importance to us.
So, without further ado…
Why did we switch to cloth/hybrid diapers a year and a half ago?
1. Cloth diapers are better for the environment. Each year, approximately 27.5 billion disposable diapers end up in US landfills. Yes, I meant to say billion. And that’s only our country… It’s estimated that disposable diapers take 500 years to decompose, but nobody really knows yet, since the first ones ever made are still sitting in landfills. Less than half a percent of the people who use disposable diapers actually dump solid waste into the toilet (and yes, Jay and I were guilty of not dumping solids, before we switched to cloth), so all that funk is also sitting in our landfills. The production and cleaning of cloth diapers uses almost 2.5 times less water than it takes to manufacture disposable diapers. I have estimated that by the time our 2 kids are potty trained, we will have saved 14,560 diapers from hitting landfills (that’s an average of 8 diapers per day for each kid for 2.5 years). That number makes us feel good. Really good.
2. You can save a ton of money by using cloth diapers. This was a big reason we initially made the switch from disposables to cloth (though not the main reason). And even though I am now somewhat of an addict, and have spent more money than we ever planned to spend on cloth diapers and tried lots of different brands, we are still saving a lot of money. I have estimated that with our 2 kids in cloth diapers for 2.5 years each (a reasonable estimate, since James started at 5-months-old and Cora will likely potty train younger than him), even with using our cloth-hybrid diapers for daycare (and having to purchase the disposable inserts, which do not contain plastics and thus decompose in an estimated 90 days, as opposed to the 500+ years it takes for disposables), we will still save about $1800 overall. And that includes me factoring in the cost of detergent, and the slightly increased water and electric bills, to wash the diapers. Also, that estimate of savings is if we don’t sell a single diaper that is currently left in our stash (we've sold quite a few already, including newborn diapers and brands/styles that we didn't love) when we are done with them. If we end up selling them all, at even 50% of the original cost, we stand to recoup another $500. That would increase our overall diaper savings to $2300. That money is going to look very nice in our kids’ college funds.
3. Disposable diapers contain harmful chemicals. The big, name brand companies sure don’t want you to know about it, but it’s true. For example, dioxins (highly carcinogenic byproducts from the bleaching process), sodium polycarbonate (a chemical removed from feminine products due to toxic shock syndrome concerns, and which is known to cause severe skin irritations, allergic reactions, fever, vomiting, and staph infections in babies), TBT (a non-degradable polluting chemical that causes hormonal disruptions in humans and animals, and which may cause sterility), VOCs (which can cause eye, nose, and throat irritations, headaches, damage to the liver, kidneys, and CNS, and cancer), and other chemicals such as dyes, fragrances, and plastics. If the cloth diaper companies (and mom-based businesses) had the means and ability to advertise the way that the disposable diaper companies do, we might see a greater percentage of Americans using cloth diapers.
4. Finally, there is evidence that disposable diapers cause increased scrotal temperatures in baby boys, which can lead to sterility. We’d rather not risk that. Besides, how would you like to sit around in paper and plastic pants all day, every day? And night? The waterproof covers used with cloth diapers (and hybrids) are breathable (whether PUL, fleece or wool). In addition to the lack of chemicals present in cloth diapers (and the lack of chemicals in disposable inserts used in hybrids), the increased air flow reduces the number and severity of diaper rashes a baby gets. From our own experience, we can tell you that James and Cora combined have had less than a handful of diaper rashes, and in each instance, antibiotics were a major contributing factor.
Why did we choose not to circumcise James?
1. There is no medical reason to do so. The only real reason is cultural/religious. Circumcision is simply a cosmetic procedure. It provides no increase in disease protection. STD study results are conflicted, with some showing increased STD’s for circumcised men and vice versa, because there are so many variables involved, and UTI statistics are also skewed due to confounding factors, such as premature retraction (UTI’s only occur in <1.0% of boys anyway). There is no need for circumcision later in life. Americans just aren’t familiar enough with proper intact care yet to protect elderly men, but that is quickly changing (not to mention, antibiotics can clear almost all infections, so late-life circumcisions are rarely "needed"). And circumcision does not decrease the risk of penile cancer (which is extremely rare anyway – male breast cancer is more common).
2. Circumcision is a risky procedure, and one that causes pain (yes, newborns feel pain). Risks include bleeding, damage to other areas of the penis, the removal of too much skin, meatal stenosis, and infection, to name a few. Watching videos of the procedure being done on newborns, while I was still pregnant with James and we were still researching our options, literally brought us to tears. The circumcision procedure begins with strapping the infant spread-eagled to a plastic board. Pain medications are more routine these days than they were in the past, but they are not always given, and even when given, not always allowed enough time to take effect. First, the foreskin is pinched and crushed as a clamp is attached. An instrument is then inserted between the foreskin and glans, tearing them apart. Another clamp is then used to crush the foreskin lengthwise, at which point it is cut. Finally, the circumcision instrument is inserted to protect the glans during the amputation of the foreskin. We weren’t willing to subject our newborn baby boy to that. He is perfect the way God made him.
3. The foreskin is there for a reason. It protects the glans (and has other functions I won’t record here, but feel free to look them up). 100,000+ years of evolution have not seen fit to do away with the foreskin, so neither would we.
4. There is evidence that circumcision is deterimental to the breastfeeding relationship.
5. The American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend circumcision.
6. Circumcision is only common in America. And not nearly as common as it used to be, or as common as many people are still led to believe (you can find the statistics for your specific area online). While circumcision was a routine procedure 30 years ago, the ratio is closer to 50:50 nationwide these days. That means that the fear of “locker room teasing” is pretty much unfounded. Besides, boys are far more likely to tease each other for far less “private” reasons. And we could care less that James doesn’t look like his Daddy. Times have changed. Medical research is an ongoing entity, and it is important to keep up with the current literature.
7. As we were sadly reminded (via James’ incident with balanitis, caused by premature retraction of the foreskin), there is no extra cleaning involved for intact boys. In fact, there is less cleaning involved, especially in the beginning, because there is no healing wound to care for.
8. Should James decide that he wants to be circumcised some day, for cosmetic reasons (though the cosmetic difference between circumcised and intact is not a full-time thing, if you get what I mean), the decision will be his to make. Yes, it would hurt. But at least as an adult he could get proper anesthesia. Better later, of his own choosing, than during the most fragile time of his entire life. Just because he wouldn’t have remembered it happening as a newborn, wouldn’t have made it hurt any less. Honestly, we feel that circumcision is a human rights issue, and newborns are humans too.
Why will we be keeping our kids’ carseats rear-facing past the 1 year and 22 pounds law?
1. Children are 5 times more likely to suffer a fatal injury when facing forward. This is simple science, not speculation. Babies and toddlers and young children have a proportionally large head. In fact, if it were possible, even us adults would be safer facing the rear (you’ve all seen how flight attendants travel).
2. It doesn’t matter if the kids’ feet/legs touch the back of the seat. They can fold them up or splay them out. We feel that safety is more important than comfort, though if you watch them, you’ll see that most little ones tend to draw their legs up anyway, kneeling or sitting “Indian style”. Besides, a broken leg is a lot easier to fix than a broken neck.
3. At almost 2-years-old, James doesn’t know any different, but if he were to start getting fussy about facing backwards, we still wouldn’t switch him. We’d rather deal with fussiness than constantly worry about his safety. We are pretty extreme when it comes to car safety. Not only do we keep our kids rear-facing, but we do not talk on the phone or text while driving. As the driver, we are responsible for the safety of everyone in our car, as well as all those driving around us, and we take that responsibility very seriously.
4. Despite the law (which is likely to change in light of new research), the AAP currently recommends keeping your child rear-facing until they reach the weight and height limits of their carseat, or at least until they reach 2-years of age.
Why do we follow an alternate vaccination schedule?
1. Basically, if a problem were to arise from a vaccination, we’d like to be able to pinpoint that vaccination for future reference, since most vaccinations require multiple doses.
2. Shots hurt, and nobody likes needles. We want to limit the amount of pain our babies experience during any one doctor visit. Both during the visit, and throughout the rest of the day (or week), should side effects occur (such as fever). Splitting the vaccines means that our babies have more doctor visits, but they are covered just the same by our insurance (no co-pays).
Why did I breastfeed my babies exclusively for their first 6 months (and up to 1-year for James while introducing solid foods, aiming to do the same, or perhaps even longer, for Cora)?
1. Breastmilk is called “white gold” for a reason. It is, simply put, the very best food for babies. Even the formula cans say so, right on the label. (Believe me, I know. I saw it when we switched James over to formula for 2 bottles/day starting at 10-months).
2. There are benefits for both mom and baby. Breastmilk is chock-full of immunoglobulin. Stomach viruses, lower respiratory illnesses, ear infections, and meningitis occur less often in breastfed babies and are less severe when they do happen. Because breastmilk is specifically tailored to your baby, your body responds to viruses and bacteria that are in your body and makes immunoglobulin specific to those pathogens, creating specialized protection for your baby. And that immune system boost can last well beyond the breastfeeding year(s). Studies have shown that breastfeeding can reduce a child's risk of developing certain childhood cancers and may also help children avoid a host of diseases that strike later in life, such as type 1 and type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, and inflammatory bowel disease, as well as allergies and obesity. Breastfed babies also have a lower risk of SIDS, one of the scariest things we worried about as new parents. As for mom, the longer you breastfeed, the more you are protected against breast and ovarian cancer.
3. Breastmilk is free and formula is expensive!
4. There is evidence (based on IQ scores and other intelligence tests) that prolonged and exclusive breastfeeding significantly improves cognitive development, with childhood test scores of breastfed infants being higher the longer they had been nursed.
5. Breastfeeding releases the "happy" hormone oxytocin, which promotes nurturing and relaxation. This can reduce stress levels and risk of postpartum depression. Oxytocin also causes uterine contractions, which helps the mother's postpartum body to heal faster.
6. Breastfeeding moms are "allowed" 500 extra calories per day in order to produce enough calorie-rich milk for their babies. Personally, I choose to use my extra calories on ice cream.
Why do we wear our babies?
1. Babywearing is extremely convenient. We don’t have to carry a heavy carseat or push a bulky stroller. We just strap Cora (and/or James) to our belly or back and off we go, hands-free to grocery shop, chase the toddler around, finish household chores, and a zillion other things that are difficult to do one-handed.
2. Babies enjoy the comfort of being close to their parents. Studies have shown that the more babies are held, the less they cry. Crying is exhausting. For them, and for us. And some studies suggest that extended crying may cause long-term damage as the baby’s developing brain is continually flooded with stress hormones. Babies who don’t spend their energy crying are instead calmly observing and actively learning about their environment. When they’re not sleeping, of course.
3. We do not believe that young babies can be spoiled (even though we tease the grandparents about it).
4. Babywearing promotes physical development. Babies who are “attached” to their parents (or other caregivers) are in tune with the rhythm of their breathing, the sound of their heartbeat, and the movements they make - walking, bending, and reaching. This stimulation helps them to regulate their own physical responses, and exercises their vestibular system, which controls balance.
5. Keeping your baby at eye level allows you to kiss them and talk to them. To keep them entertained. To reassure them. To show them things they would miss if they were strapped into a carseat or stroller and lugged around at knee level.
6. Babies who are worn are safe and secure. Instead of worrying about your toddler running loose in crowded or dangerous places, putting them on your belly or back ensures you always know right where they are.
7. It’s good exercise! Especially with 29 lb toddlers…
Why do we co-sleep with our babies on occasion?
1. We’ll be honest – for convenience. It’s far less exhausting to nurse a newborn back to sleep while laying down (and dozing off) than to sit up in the glider all night long. And in our experience, babies go back to sleep much faster (and stay asleep longer) when they are comforted by the touch and warmth of their parents. When our babies are sick or teething, they are extra needy and clingy, and they usually don’t sleep well by themselves.
2. We aren’t worried about squishing our babies. We are very careful about removing pillows and blankets when we cosleep. And we lock the cats up at night (much to their chagrin).
3. We’re not worried about “forming bad habits” because we don’t do it all the time. It’s common on weekend mornings, so we can get an extra hour of sleep, and it is allowed when the kids don’t feel good. Otherwise they sleep in their own beds, and we’ve never had a problem with them switching back and forth. Well, except for Cora, following our winter vacations, when she slept with us every night out of necessity. That did form a bad habit (though it was more related to nursing/suckling than sleeping).
OK, that was really long. Even so, I’d like to end with this quote, to remind everyone that we do truly respect the many hard choices that we have to make as parents, and we wish you all the best in your personal decisions:
“The more people have studied different methods of bringing up children the more they have come to the conclusion that what good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is usually best after all. Furthermore, all parents do their best job when they have a natural, easy confidence in themselves. Better to make a few mistakes from being natural than to do everything letter-perfect out of a feeling of worry.”
— The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, Benjamin Spock, 1946
(Eating yogurt in the waiting room before her appointment. Pretty dress courtesy of her Paw-Paw.)
After which she promptly fell asleep. And looked so pitiful while doing so. And so cute.
After a princess nap, she was still hot, so we high-tailed it to the tub for further cooling.
Ate some cold grapes. Drank some more cold milk. All with the paci in sight...
A rare smile, captured after multiple kitty hugs and "head love".
Hopefully her fever will break soon and she'll feel better tomorrow. Otherwise Jay is in for a LONG day...
SHE HAS HAIR: Still not much, but it's enough to hang over her headbands. Easy to see on white, though her hair is still very light in color. And we suspect she's going to have full head of very fine hair (just like her mama) when it eventually grows in.
SHE HAS NEW TEETH: This month she got 2 more incisors, both up top. This makes a total of 6 teeth now. We can't remember what order the teeth are "suppose" to come in, but they look pretty funny right now, that's for sure. Her bottom 2 teeth are close together and long (since they came in almost 5 months ago), but the upper 4 teeth are all short and widely spaced. Our friend Sharmila says that the Hindu believe tooth gaps up front and center are lucky, so maybe Cora will be very lucky in life. Regardless, I suspect we'll be dealing with braces for her someday...
SHE UNDERSTANDS COMMANDS: More and more. Including commands such as "lay down". When I'm fighting her to go back to sleep in her crib (without picking her up), I tell her to lay back down, and she does, every single time. Very dramatically. Then she lifts her head right back up and whines at me. We play this game for 30-45 minutes sometimes... If we tell her not to drop something over the side of her highchair, she'll pull her hand back. Of course, she often just sticks it right back over, so we have to repeat the command again and again. Or she'll then drop it with a big wave-like motion across her tray, making a giant mess. If we tell her to "Stop" or "Sit down!" she usually does. Or at least pauses before going back to getting into trouble. She crawls over to me when I call her for diaper changes or milk. She'll hand over items (usually leaves or trash or bits of food that James has dropped while running around) to us when we ask her to. She gives kisses on command. She'll perform the "full of crazy" charade when we prompt her. She dances when we encourage her. She is becoming very attentive, and we love it.
SHE WEIGHS: 19.6 lbs, so she's finally slowing down on her weight gain. You wouldn't know it from her appetite though. The girl can eat! And she eats anything and everything. And takes her sweet time. She is always the first one with food on her plate, and the last one still sitting at the table, still chewing away, at the end of the meal.
When she got bored and fussy and tired, Mamaw got creative. After some bouncing and singing, she fell asleep like this. 
Oh, and for my records, I was surprised to see James hit 31.2 lbs on the scale today. I thought kids were suppose to slow down on the weight gain at his age? The boy has gained 1.5 pounds in less than a month! 
Can sure wear a girl out!
Baby Doll had a GOOD nap day. I don't know whether it's just that she's sick (still getting over her ear infection) or that she's finally learning to nap better, but she slept for 2.5 hours all by herself today. After I nursed her to sleep, I snuck out of bed and stuck a pillow in my place (just like I do at bedtime), and it worked (for the first time ever, longer than 20 minutes anyway). I checked on her a million times because I just couldn't believe she was still sleeping. At 4:00 PM I went upstairs again and found her wide awake, just laying there looking around the room. I don't know about this girl...
