James has been potty training for 3 weeks now. I'm even tempted to call him "trained" at this point. Last weekend he didn't have a single accident. Not even overnight or at naptime. He very rarely has accidents at daycare, and when he does, they occur right at the end of naptime. Or sometimes outside (if he's really into what he's doing and doesn't want to admit to needing to go inside and go potty). In reality, we are very aware that accidents are likely to continue to occur from time to time, for who knows how long. He's a child. Children have accidents. We are prepared for them. But when they don't happen, and your "big kid" is peeing and pooping on the potty regularly without a fight, often times letting you know when they need to go, it's SO awesome. These are what parenting moments of pride are made of, I tell ya!
We feel pretty lucky to have escaped the whole potty training process with so few poop accidents (none of which were any more difficult for us to clean up than his cloth diapers were, and in fact, were even easier, since we caught them right away before he had time to squish things around). And the pee accidents that happen now are usually small, because we catch them and James will stop himself and hold it until we get him to the potty, or he'll catch himself and say "Uh oh!", and stop himself, letting us know that we need to take him.
The hardest part for us, other than having to watch him like a hawk for 2 weeks straight, was bedtime and naptime. James VERY quickly learned to "work the system" and would use the potty as an excuse to continually get out of bed. Then he'd just sit there and sing to himself or read a book or play with a toy or talk to us. Seriously, he was getting up a dozen times and producing nothing. But after 2 weeks, he finally slipped back into routine (well, a new routine, since he now has 2 potty trips after bath and before bed added in). Thank goodness! We had worked SO hard prior to PT Bootcamp to get James going to bed on his own without a fight. It was really hard and upsetting having that slip away, and it made for a lot of VERY late nights for all of us. Things are so much better now.
I had heard some pretty funny potty training stories before we got started with James. I'll be honest with you though, I didn't think any part of the process was funny. And I know Jay didn't. Training is hard work for everyone, and that's ok. I'm sure we'll laugh about it some day...
I was also expecting to have another bonus to potty training - having less to carry around in the diaper bag. But in all actuality, we now carry MORE than we did before. Before potty training, we carried 4 diapers, a pack of wipes, and a wetbag to store the dirty diapers in (plus all the other junk that isn't really a requirement, but gets us through outings while all remaining in a "happy place", things like sippy cups and snacks and toys, etc.) The newly potty trained James requires a pair of undies, a pair of shorts, a wetbag, and his travel potty seat cover, which is far more bulky than the 2 diapers we carried for him before. Plus, we still carry 2 diapers and a pack of wipes for Cora. Oh well, maybe next summer we'll travel light...
In summary, while it may be stressful and frustrating, especially during the first week, potty training is SO worth it! While the first couple of days are ridiculous in the number of accidents to clean up, they drop dramatically very quickly. We went from 15 accidents on day one to 1 accident on day 4. How's that for progress? Here are my tips for surviving potty training bootcamp:
1) Expect that they will test you. Once they realize they can use the magic words pee-pee, poop, or potty to get out of doing something they don't want to do (like go to bed, or go into their daycare class), the game is ON. They will also test you with accidents. Yes, accidents are usually just that: accidents. But sometimes, the kiddo KNOWS better, and will do it just to test you. To see if they can get their diapers back. So stay strong and don't give in!
2) Have the parent with the most patience and/or tolerance do the actual taking of the kiddo to the potty, especially during the first 3 days of the actual bootcamp. Teaching a toddler to use the potty is not like turning on a light switch (at least, not for my kiddo). James needed a day and a half to adjust to the idea of using the potty for it's intended purpose, and that takes a LOT of patience. Besides, I honestly think that even if two parents are on the same page as far as words to use, methods to follow, etc., there is inevitably some degree of variation. In the beginning, being as consistent as possible will benefit you all. (Besides, then the other, non-designated parent can be the one to clean up the messes...)
3) Don't be afraid to switch up your method a bit if it's not working. I know, I know. I read the 3-day manual. And a book on a different method. And I read tons of tips and tricks online. And they all tell you to be consistent. Well guess what, what works for one kid doesn't necessarily work for the next. So if it's not working (at all), go ahead and change things up a little. Offer treats, or take them away. Give them stickers. Use a little potty, or use a seat up on the big potty. Let them read books or play with toys while they go. Or don't give them anything at all and make them focus. Remind them constantly to tell you when they need to go, or give them some space and just watch their body language VERY closely. Stand/sit there and supervise them, or give them some privacy. Only you know your kid. And only your kid can show you what works for them.
4) DO limit fluids with and after dinner. In order for James to keep dry overnight, he gets his usual 3/4-1 cup of milk at dinner, and nothing after. Or just 1/8-1/4 cup at bedtime if he's really begging for milk. Though we have been reminding him at dinner time to drink his milk because there will be none after bath.
5) Establish a new bedtime routine right away. Dinner, potty, bath, play time, potty, snuggles, and potty again (right before we put him in bed), is what's working for James these days.
6) Celebrate every single victory! Even a dribble is learning. Every accomplishment deserves a high-five. Keep up the positive energy and try VERY hard not to show your frustration (or diappointment - there will be some, especially if you go into potty training with high expectations). You don't want to scare your kid off the potty, and every time you heave a sigh or say "Just go pee already!", you are setting them back a step. Believe me, I know. Turn away and count to ten (silently), clean them up, give them a hug, and tell them you're proud of them for sitting on the potty.
7) Don't give up. After our experience, I'm a big proponent of the "all or nothing" method. Throw out those diapers and trust your kid. They WILL figure it out. Putting them in pull-ups (or overnight diapers) knocks them backward. So suck it up, clean it up, and move forward. I promise you won't have pee on the floor forever. Or the couch. Or the bed. Or the computer chair. Or the booster seat. Or the picnic table. Or the carseat. Those first 3 days confined to the house are rough, but after the initiation, it's really not so scary to take them out to dinner or to the grocery store or even to swim lessons. Toddlers have an amazing ability to learn and absorb so much at once, it's no wonder the "ideal" potty training age is 22 months. We're absolutely starting younger with Cora!
As far as the "signs of readiness" go, the things that James did that convinced us it was a good time to get started included: having words for pee-pee and poop, showing some interest in potty books, having dry diaper checks a couple times per day (meaning that he was holding it for a couple hours at a time and not just going constantly), waking up dry a few nights per week, and being able to remember details about things (so we knew he'd remember what the potty was for, where it was, and what the body signals felt like). In all honesty though, we would have done it sooner if we could have. The reason we waited was that daycare doesn't usually take kids in the K1 class to the potty, and James isn't scheduled to move up to the K2 class until August. But in April, after talking it over with them and knowing that we had a 3-day weekend coming up a the end of May, we decided to go for it. We are VERY lucky that James has a daycare teacher who is so decidated to him, and who loves him very much. She has been key in his training and we couldn't have done it without her (especially since he refused to go with the K2 class when they went every half hour - instead, his teacher takes him as often as needed throughout the day and has really worked with us to use the same methods and lanuage with him that we do, so that there would be minimal confusion between home and school). So if you're ready and you think your toddler might be ready, just pick a date and go for it! It's not so bad. Honest!
For real, Cora LOVES this restaurant!
(More flashback photos from my phone. Taken at the end of May.)
Portraits by Jay
