This is going to be a bit stream-of-conscious, and probably longer than any of you care to read, but there are things I need to get out on "paper" that have been rolling around my head and consuming my daily thoughts for a while now, so here I go...
Stephen's cancer returned. After 8 years of clear scans, he is sick again. He started treatment yesterday and has every intention of beating this monster again. And I'm here to cheer him on and keep my thoughts positive and happy and optimistic because that's really the best thing we can do (when we're not the doctors assigned to plan out the attack). His recent diagnosis was unexpected though, and obviously very upsetting, but dwelling on the SUCK doesn't help him. If there is one thing that Stephen has taught me through his various battles over the years, it's that a LOT of strength can be gained from a positive attitude. So please, keep Stephen in your thoughts and prayers, and send him all the positive energy you can.
Fall is an extra busy and fun time of year for our family, and I've been more grateful for that than usual this year. Distractions can be very helpful tools and doing things with my family and friends (anything, so long as we're together) is my favorite way to spend a day. Last month I learned that Stephen is sick again. Earlier this month we lost Karyn. Two years ago we lost Christopher. In other years we've lost family (Bubba, Marvin, Bill) and friends (Afton, Maddie, Melissa, Philip, Holly). There are (10!) other friends and family members of mine who have fought and won or who continue to battle this disease in its many forms. There is nothing fair about that. Cancer doesn't care if you're young or old. It doesn't care whether you're a couch potato or you run ultramarathons. It doesn't care if you eat "clean" and avoid cigarettes and alcohol. It doesn't care that you go to all your regular doctor and dentist appointments. It doesn't even care that you're an incredible, giving, loving person. The cards are dealt and we're left to experience or witness, to hope and pray, and sometimes to curse and cry. I've learned a lot of truly wonderful life lessons from my friends and family who have gone through tough times and very low points because of this disease. I HATE that I've learned these lessons this way. I'd rather learn them any other way. But if there has to be a silver lining (and there always has to, in my world view of constant growth and looking to the bright side of life), it's those lessons.
Karyn taught me to take (and MAKE) the time to spend with my family, as much as possible. To ENJOY them. To be silly and play (and not care if the other moms are dressed up and acting proper while I chase my kids around in my workout clothes), to teach them things (ANYTHING), to experience new places and activities (as often as the opportunities arise). She taught me to trust my mother's instinct and also that there is often no wrong answer in parenting (and sometimes no right answer...), so long as you are PRESENT and INVESTED, and willing to apologize when you're wrong or make a mistake. I'm very grateful for those lessons, and I'm sure my kids are too. Christopher taught me to smile and dance even when I don't feel like it. To focus on the GOOD and have fun WHENEVER you are able. To never miss an opportunity to tell your loved ones that you love them and you enjoy spending time with them. We can all benefit from those lessons. Bubba taught me that some secrets are worth keeping. In general, this disease has taught me to never take a day for granted. To take chances and go for the goals that are important to you NOW rather than wait because you're scared to try or think it's not the right time. It may never be the right time. It has taught me to be THANKFUL for good health (mine and others) and take advantage of it - getting out there and moving your body as much as possible. It has reminded me to hold hands and kiss your loved ones, to hug your friends (even if it makes them uncomfortable) and TELL THEM how much they mean to you, and to always have a listening ear and an encouraging voice. Our lives are not guaranteed. Sicknesses manifest, accidents happen, and life events can change your path at any time. Don't dwell on it - there are lots of things we can't change, can't predict, can't even imagine. So don't. Live in TODAY.
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