I know what you're thinking. A parent-teacher conference? Really? For a toddler and a preschooler? Well, in light of last week's homework debate, add in the biting that Cora has been doing lately, throw in the fact that we've been hearing too much from James in recent weeks about time-out and being in trouble, and THEN top it off with Wednesday's news of James missing recess due to not finishing his seatwork (Oh yes, I was LIVID), and you can understand why Jay and I decided that emailing back-and-forth with the director and catching vague updates from James' teacher here and there wasn't going to cut it. So we called a conference. In order to talk face-to-face and make sure we were getting the whole story. And this afternoon we met with the Director, Cora's teacher (who is also Administrator of the school), and both of James' teachers (Ms. Reece, the 3-year-old class teacher, and Ms. Kim, the 2-year-old class teacher). It was standing room only.
But I paint a more colorful picture than it actually was. It was a good talk, amongst 6 adults who all have our kids' best interests at heart. Before I discuss the details, just know that James did not miss recess. He was held back from recess for 2-3 minutes (the same amount of time he is given for time-out) so that Ms. Reece could have a little one-on-one time with him to show him how to do his work. So yes, the daggers in my eyes settled with that news and we were able to move on and discuss our other concerns.
It's true, James really, REALLY dislikes seatwork. He plays, he sits on the rug, he sings to himself, but he does not sit in his seat and attempt the individual work that the other kids are doing. So rather than pushing him into it, his teachers have decided to instead work with him one-on-one (sometimes at the beginning of recess and sometimes while the other kids start their Montessori station) or send him over to Ms. Kim's class to do group seatwork, rather than the individual seatwork. He responds better to both of those situations. This is fine with us. We want him to do his work while in school and not be rewarded (we worried that sending him over to Ms. Kim's class would be like a reward, but they assured us that he is still doing work - it's just work in a different way, a way that James actually participates in), but we don't want him to be pushed too hard or forced into anything he isn't ready for. This seems like a good compromise to us. And when he's ready and willing to do his individual seatwork, then he'll stay with his class during Table Time. No rush. He'll get where he needs to be for the real preK (the 4-year-old class) one way or another, and he has at least 6 months, if not a whole year or year-and-a-half before he moves up anyway. (Montessori schools set up their classes based on abilities in addition to age, hence the reason he went straight into the 3-year-old class in October - because he was already potty trained, speaking conversationally, and had knowledge of the basics.)
Now, about the time-out issue for James. He is NOT getting in trouble for mean or naughty behavior. He is sweet and mild mannered at school, just like we know him to be at home. He doesn't hit or kick his classmates (for the most part, though all 2-year-olds have bad days). His time-outs are solely due to him climbing/standing/jumping/dancing on tables and chairs, a habit that they are having a hard time breaking him of. Us too, unfortunately. He listens (and stops climbing/standing/jumping/dancing), but only after being told numerous times, time-outs, and loss of privileges or toys (or the threat of losing privileges or toys). And he's taught Cora to do it too, so we're sure they're both going to break their necks one of these days... Hopefully we can curb the habit before that happens though. We're on high alert at our house these days, the kids have lost all warnings when it comes to this issue. They go straight to the consequences.
As for Cora's biting, Ms. Lois says while it's obviously not appropriate behavior, we shouldn't think that Cora is the brute in the room. All 4 toddlers in Cora's class have their vices (Cora bites, another hits, one pulls hair, and the other yanks on clothes), and Cora's just happens to be the one that leaves a mark. Her teacher says that for the most part, Cora is a defensive player and doesn't initiate conflict. Sissy gets herself a toy or puzzle and sits down to play, and along comes one (or two) of the other girls to take it away. And since Cora has a big brother who in the recent past inadvertently trained her to fight back in the only way she knows to get immediate results, well, that's what she does. But she also takes time-out seriously now, is good about apologizing and giving hugs and kisses, and stops immediately when caught in the act (or just before she bites, even). She's almost 20-months now and is growing like crazy in all ways, so the fact that she actually listens to us is a good sign. Now, if we could just get her to retain that information and follow through when it comes to the no-no's...
In other news, we learned that Cora has been sitting in on circle time with the big kids (even the 3-year-old class) and is participating (and paying attention) really well. Ms. Reece and Ms. Kim love her, and she'll likely move up to Ms. Kim's class sometime in the next few months. We hope sooner rather than later. The aftercare teacher (who is also the 1st-3rd grade teacher) recently stopped me to tell me how bright Cora is, and how they had a conversation about necklaces the other day. She was surprised Cora knew the word necklace. I told her she'd probably be surprised by a lot of things Cora says then, since necklace was one of her first words almost 6 months ago. She's a smart cookie, just like her brother.
I'd say our first parent-teacher conference was a success. Yay!
