CORA 1:MAMA 0

Cora has won this round. I am no longer going to fight with her to sleep alone in her crib. It just isn't worth it. Cry-it-out and sleep training at daycare worked for all of 5 days. The new battle has been raging for well over a week now, and it hasn't been pretty. We had 5 whole nights where she went to sleep in her crib and stayed there until 4:30/5:30am. But since then, her hour of waking has been sneaking slowly forward... 3:30, then 2:30, then 2:00, then 1:00, then 12:30, then 11:30, and last night 9:30 (JUST as I was settling into bed to try and catch up on missed sleep). How is that possible? Just like she's always ready to nurse the second my dinner fork heads to my lips, or she yells for a diaper change the second I head to the restroom for my own potty break. (Babies have impeccable timing, obviously). You know, I read somewhere that a baby can smell her mama's milk from 20-30 ft away. Isn't that wild? Maybe that's why Cora wakes up most often when I head upstairs at night...

So, my plan is to continue nursing her to sleep, placing her in her crib, and hoping that she sleeps there comfortably for as long as possible. Because she DOES still go to sleep easily at bedtime. But when she wakes, no matter what time, whether to eat or just for comfort, I am not going to fight with her to get her back into her crib. She won't go anyway. No matter how limp-noodled, passed-out she is, she KNOWS when Mama is no longer holding her or touching her. Maybe she has an aversion to the prison-like crib rails. Or maybe it's just separation anxiety. She screams like a banshee the moment she realizes you are leaving (or trying to leave) her there. And Cora's screams are like no other baby I've ever known. And they never end (until she gets her way, and even then she holds a grudge for a while and will let you know in no uncertain terms that she's mad at you, before she'll calm down). It is emotionally draining for me, and for Jay, and thus it must certainly be so for Cora. So it just isn't worth it. Even her ultra-determined daycare teacher has now given up. Cora is just TOO strong-willed to be forced into doing something that she doesn't want to do. We're sure this will serve her well in her life, to be so independent and opinionated, but it sure makes it difficult on us parents! So, if she wants to nap in the swing, so be it. If she wants to sleep with her Mama, so be it. If she wants to nurse off-and-on during the night, so be it. If she's satisfied with the paci (so long as she's snuggled up next to me), so be it. I am not going to fight with her anymore. Not on this issue. Hopefully someday she'll go back to sleeping in her crib all night long (since she used to, consistently, back when she was 3-4 months old, which I think is why we've fought her on it for so long lately - because we know she CAN). Until then, if she's willing to sleep all night long peacefully in my arms, then that is how I'm going to spend my nights. Sore back and cold belly be darned. I love my fiesty little girl.