THE 3 AND 4 SWEET SPOT

We are most definitely in a new phase of life these days. Our infant and toddler days are long behind us, and while the drama and sass that accompanies 3- and 4-year-olds can be frustrating/overwhelming/annoying at times, there is seriously just so much to love about these preschool ages. I don't know how things vary for families with siblings further apart in age, but for our dynamic duo, we feel very lucky to have them "on the same page" in so many respects. It makes life easier, especially now that both kids are old enough to do so much for themselves, help around the house, and entertain themselves and/or each other for longer stretches of time (and be trusted to do so without intense/constant parental supervision).

I haven't done a true sibling comparison post since the kids were 6-months-old, mostly because I really do try not to compare them to each other (too often, or out loud, and certainly not in front of them), but with two wild and crazy and funny and intelligent little people in our house, I thought it would be interesting to compare some of their strengths and idiosyncrasies at this time in their lives: 3 and 4.

 STORYTIME

James currently prefers longer books (though not chapter books yet) with more of a real story, while Cora is still content with shorter books, board books, and even picture books where you can quiz her on images, colors, shapes, etc. The longer books tend to have her up and antsy after the first few minutes.

SNUGGLES

James will ask you to sit with him on the couch, stay with him a little while in bed, sit in your lap with a book or wedge himself under your arm while you read. But if you happen to bedshare with him? He's all over the place and rarely draped across you, more often kicking you out of bed (physically or literally, telling you "go sleep in your bed now mama"). Cora rarely sits on the couch (let alone lay down with you under a blanket and snuggle), but will beg you to lay with her in bed and sleep with her. She has to be at least partially sitting on you while reading or she's up and running, completely distracted. And if you bedshare with her, she will find you like a heat-seeking missle and attach herself to you like a little monkey baby.

SLEEP

James, obviously, sleeps through the night. He has since he was 4-months-old with no exception, other than illness accompanied by severe cough or high fever. Or the occasional nightmare or thunderstorm. He doesn't nap regularly anymore, but he does still nap. Most days at school, anyway. And occasionally at home if we really force the issue, or in the car if we've worn him out with activities or it's a long trip. Cora has never ever been a good sleeper for longer than a month at a time. She's still pretty good about napping, but come bedtime she can toss and turn and talk to herself until 10pm, wake at midnight to come find us, then fidget around for 1-2 hours before she settles again. Every night is a gamble, though we're in the habit now of bribing her with gummies to stay in her bed all night (and sometimes it works)... The latest switcheroo to our bedtime routine is that instead of taking turns with the kids every other night, we now put them to bed at the exact same time, hugs and kisses all around with doors open, then stand in the hallway and sing bedtime song duets. Don't ask me why, but it's working. For almost 2 weeks now we've avoided the dreaded bedtime struggle AND it's somehow kept Cora from coming out of her room over and over. And she's sleeping through the night. Looooove it!

GETTING CLEAN

Both kids love to take baths and showers. They could literally sit there until the water turns cold or play in the shower until the hot water runs out (not that we let them). For some reason James has lately decided that he hates having his hair washed, but Cora is a pro now about squeezing her eyes shut, covering them with her hands, and pinching her lips closed so no soap gets in. The longer her hair gets, the longer it takes me to rinse those bubbles out too, so she's even learned to take breathing breaks and then go back for more rinsing. Both kids love to wash their hands, but neither really wants you to wash their hands for them, though they'll tolerate "sponge baths" pretty well (on those nights we're running too late for showers/baths, or if we're heading out the door post-snack and they've managed to get it all over themselves).

FOOD AND DRINK

Cora will eat just about anything that isn't too processed or sugary (unless it's candy - she loves candy, she just doesn't go for cake or cookies), and she loves certain veggies (especially green beans and corn on the cob). James tends to stick to the more typical kid-friendly foods (pizza, mac-n-cheese, PB&J, grilled cheese, and pasta), and won't eat a veggie to save his life. We limit each kid to one cup of V8 Fusion juice per day (at least he's getting some veggies that way...), and James will chug his first thing in the morning. Cora could sip on hers all day long if we let her. James will drink maybe one cup of chocolate milk per day, and Cora will request "white milk" for breakfast, lunch, and dinner some days. They both drink tons of water though, so they're always well hydrated. Cora even has an obsession with eating ice (like her daddy) that we give in to on weekends (she'll walk around with a cup and request refills all afternoon) or at restaurants (because it keeps her happy while waiting on food).

MEMORY

We've been saying for years now that James has a mind like a steel trap - he never forgets anything. And that's still true at 4-years-old. Sometimes I tease him that his memory is better than mine (and often it's true - I truthfully rely on him to remind me of things or help me remember where I put something). Cora likewise has a really good memory and makes cool associations that we wouldn't expect a preschooler to make. She's a smart cookie.

SPEECH

Cora is quickly catching up to James as far as vocabulary and sentence structure. We think both kids are very talkative, well informed about the world around them, and not shy to tell you their opinions. We felt that James developed pronounced speech earlier than average, and Cora has followed that same pattern, if not exceeded it. Their correct use of phrases is almost too good, sometimes cracking us up and other times reminding us that we need to keep our adult mouths shut...

SOCIALIZING

James has "never met a stranger" as the saying goes around here. He's just like his Gramma in that respect. He'll walk right up to kids he doesn't know at the playground, introduce himself, and ask them to play. He has a set of good friends that he sees regularly, and his best friend is always at the forefront of his mind. He can occasionally be shy around an adult he doesn't know well, but usually if you give him 5 minutes, he's your buddy. Cora, on the other hand, while definitely not the shy butterfly she was as an infant/toddler, is still not nearly as outgoing as her big bro. If she knows you and likes you, she really loves you (wanting your full attention, hugs, etc.). If she doesn't know you, you better give her a good 15-30 minutes to make an informed decision as to whether she likes you or not! As for friends at the playground, it's hit or miss. She's particular when meeting new kids (and tends to gravitate more towards kids her own age or younger, whereas James tends to gravitate towards older kids), but will generally follow along if big bro initiates the play. For the most part though, she's content to play with her friends, or if they're not around, to have mama or daddy stay with her. She plays most (and best) with James though. At 3 and 4, she still idolizes him and wants to do everything he does (though he is equally guilty of the whole "monkey see, monkey do" mentality - they totally feed off each other). We don't have to worry about her running off with a stranger, that's for sure (pretty certain she'd scream bloody murder). James though once asked me to go grocery shopping with an elderly lady who stopped by our cart to check out my cute kids...

PHYSICAL SKILLS

We can't yet tell whether or not James is really athletic (in this sense, I mean skilled with sports as far as accuracy goes), but if he wants to learn something, he'll do it (it just might take him some time). He's always been very cautious as far as learning to walk, climb, jump, and slide. He still gets nervous in the pool, even with his life preserver on. He walked his bike down hills for a long time before he decided he could trust himself enough to not fall. He is extremely strong and can open heavy doors and help me carry large items. He is quick to show off his strength at every opportunity, and often helps us take the full trash cans up to the street (and you all know how long and steep our driveway is). He loves to be told that he is big/strong/tall and will often respond with "Yeah, and when I'm older I'm going to be huge like daddy and touch the ceiling!" Cora, on the other hand, is our little daredevil. She tends to go "all in" with physical activities, whether she's ready or not. For the most part, this has simply resulted in a few cuts or bruises while she quickly learns to keep up with her brother (i.e. climbing ladders at 18-months), but she still makes us nervous. She has no fear of heights or water or speed. She'll ride her bike down steep hills, jump off climbing rocks into the arms of an unsuspecting grandparent (who thankfully has ninja-like reflexes - go PawPaw!), belly flop into the pool without warning (PuddleJumper on or not), climb the outside of staircases, ask to swing as high and fast as we can get her, and dangle off any number of unsafe items. She does have good aim though, and better focus, so we think when she starts soccer this fall (her choice, and she can't wait!) she'll do well and really enjoy herself.

HELPING OUT

Both James and Cora are getting really good about putting away their toys. They have their own coat hooks now and know they are expected to hang their coats and put their shoes away in their drawers when they get home from school (if we're staying inside, of course). I can usually count on one or the other to help me transfer clothes between the washer and dryer, haul garbage cans up to the street, feed and water the cats, or put away the unbreakable items from the dishwasher. Because they're getting so good at helping around the house, we're planning to start chore charts with them when the new school year begins. Whether or not they will work towards (small) allowances, activities (trips to the bouncy house place, splash parks, etc.), or treats (Orange Leaf for the win!) is undecided, but our wheels are turning. 3 and 4 seem like good ages to begin taking responsibilities a little more seriously.

TROUBLE TRIGGERS

If James is in trouble, it's usually for being unintentionally rough (with a toy, or with Cora or the cats), not listening (though he's getting SO MUCH better at following directions, and in a reasonable amount of time, with less nagging), or retaliating against something Cora did to him (though it takes quite a bit to anger him to the point of hitting her, as he is still our "Gentle James"). Cora gets in trouble for any number of reasons... jumping on the couch, hitting/pinching her brother, stealing toys, making a huge mess when she knows better, sassing us, etc. She's never been our "easy child" though, so we do accept to a certain extent that this is just Cora and we'll likely have to always work harder to keep her in line. Especially since she doesn't respond nearly as well as James does to discipline. Speaking of which...

ATTENTION SEEKING and DISCIPLINE

James is in the phase right now of wanting mommy or daddy to "look at me", "watch what I can do", and "come see". He very much wants your approval, and can thus be bribed or threatened easily into getting with the program. If I start counting to three, he's usually stopped or started whatever it was he was suppose to do or not do by the time I hit two. If he gets sent to time out, he feels guilty and his apologies are usually sincere. The opposite is true of Cora. She is super independent and will often tell you to "go away, I'm doing it myself" or "I don't want/need your help". She can't be bribed or threatened with anything (except occasionally gummy bears or early bedtime). Counting does nothing other than irritate her. When she gets sent to time out, she generally cries and screams and sasses you the entire time she's there (and sometimes has to bite a bar of soap for sassing...), and when you let her out to apologize it's a quick "sorry!" and then she's off and running. However, if I have a big issue to discuss with the kids and crouch down holding their hands to keep their attention, Cora is the one who looks me in the eye and pays attention and answers me with a "yes ma'am" while James will avert his eyes constantly and be literally bouncing to get out from under my gaze.

So basically, these siblings are still pretty different in most regards. I suppose that helps keep things interesting at our house, not that I've ever once felt like things WEREN'T interesting around here... They truly are awesome kids, on their good days and their bad (and on OUR good days and our bad), and we love them a whole lot. A LOT. They are our world and we're so grateful to have them in it! And I can't help thinking that as a family, we're in our own little "sweet spot" right now, and it feels pretty dang good.