We are by no means experts in managing two kids (or in parenting in general!), but we have had requests lately from family and friends welcoming (or having recently welcomed) a second baby to their lives for tips on time management, introducing the baby to the older sibling, dealing with sibling rivalry, and all that jazz. So, here's our two cents, for what it's worth. Remember, no two kids are alike (as our munchkins remind us daily), so these tips may not work for you. Not to mention, our kids are awfully close in age (only 15.5 months apart), so that likely changes things up quite a bit. We have had pretty good success though, as far as minimal jealousy issues and managing to not lose our minds (most days, anyway). So that counts for something, right?
Never force the issue. Allow plenty of opportunity for the older sibling to interact with the new baby (sit with parent and baby, touch the baby, hold or "hold" the baby, talk to the baby, identify the baby, kiss and/or hug the baby), but don't expect miracles. Interest in the new baby will come and go. If the older sibling starts to look uncomfortable or acts out, separate them immediately. There will be another opportunity to capture that cute sibling photo.
Let them help. An older sibling can help replace a fallen paci, fetch a clean diaper, or distract the baby with singing or talking or simply playing in their vicinity. Greater age differences probably lend to a lot more help from the older sibling. Anytime the older sibling helps or "helps" (because even failed attempts are a positive thing), be sure to thank them and praise them.
Divide and conquer. The new baby doesn't need Mama AND Daddy all the time. Yes, you need to bond as a family, but for the older sibling, it is just as important (or perhaps more important) to be reminded that they are just as special as before. While Mama nurses the baby, Daddy can take big bro outside for some guy time. And while Daddy tends to the baby, Mama can play with big bro one-on-one.
Involve them. There will be times when Mama or Daddy are alone with both kids. Things can get tricky when both kids are hungry at the same time or sleepy at the same time or crying at the same time. Especially the duel crying. Deal with the greater need first (which is usually the baby, but not always), but involve the older sibling. Big bro can read a book with Mama while she nurses the baby. Sissy can suffer through a little extra tummy time while big bro and Daddy drive cars around her in circles.
Don't make them share. Sure, some things will need to be shared, but not everything. Let big bro keep his toys to himself if he wants. If he swipes Sissy's toys, ask him to trade her one of his or give it back. If he gets possesive about old toys that he can no longer feasibly use anyway (the exersaucer or jumperoo or bouncer, for example), remind him that he is too big for them now, so Sissy will use them, and he can play with his big boy toys instead. And Mama and Daddy won't let her touch them.
Don't let the baby cry. Not too much, anyway. Crying is inevitable, but older siblings can only take so much (just like us exhausted parents). And they need their sleep too. If the crying can't be stopped, invest in better and louder white noise for big bro's room. Let him spend more time outside where he can't hear Sissy crying. And let the baby get their way. They say you can't spoil an infant anyway, right?
Let them feel possessive. Help the older sibling to feel protective and loving over "their" new baby. Show them that the baby is fragile and that she needs lots of love and attention, even from him. Help them learn the baby's name or nickname, and the baby's place in "their" family (Sissy, for example). Ask them to tell Sissy "ni-night" or give Sissy a kiss in the morning.
You may be surprised how easily the older sibling adapts to the new occupant of the house, and their suction of much of Mama and Daddy's time. Flexibility and patience and sharing and caring are great qualities that siblings learn pretty quickly. It may not always be easy having a sibling, but they sure are a joy most of the time. Right James?
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